I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
