Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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