He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
