K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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