Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
