just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
