Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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