This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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