You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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