Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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