Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
