cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
