You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
