Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
