Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
