She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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