oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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