in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
