There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
