The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
