She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
