Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
