Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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