I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
