There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
