Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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