Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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