so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
