Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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