So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
