I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
