then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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