let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
