your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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