Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
