Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
