who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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