My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
