I think I just saw someone hide a body.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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