Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
