What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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