Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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