I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm getting married
To pizza
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
