You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
