You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
