My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Who died my cat blue again?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
