if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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