the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
