Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
