Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Terrible idea I love it
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
