i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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