it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
