tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
of course. lets lasso hookers.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
